freedom

if i were a superhero, i totally think my super-human power would be invisible sweat.

i was all toe-deep in integers and improper fractions and such when i smelled the smoke. so since i'm not fond of forest fires, i'm letting the ol' noggin cool down a sec. and as an aside? i don't *get* algebra. seriously, whats the point? this was my one, count it, one hard subject in high school. 15 or so odd years later, the mental block is unfortunately (and quite obviously) still there.

and it is the one thing that has me nervous about my pre-test.

why..... its not fun..... and when am i going to need to diagram the square root of a formula for giving someone a shot in the ol derriere, eh? i think i can count by quarts or whatever it is they measure for innoculations these days.

sunday afternoon, i drug jason to barnes & noble with me on the pretense of getting a java chip frappucino. and while he reveled in his brain freeze, blissfully unaware, i sat trying to decipher which of the "algebra for dummies" books was easier to comprehend.

i was all about to say something really intelligent when an old school buddy of jasons' stopped by our table and i cringed inwardly, praying frantically that my invisible sweat would kick in. unfortunately, God totally flaked on me. so instead, i smiled sheepishly and said hello, smoothly trying to turn my book over, all in one flawless maneuver. i know.... sweet.

the big deal was that this particular friend is one of those super smart people that make you feel dumb just standing next to them. you start to drool unconsciously and talk with a stutter. he recently came back from overseas, africa, i think, where he set up computer networks for some global company.

he did a little catch-up with jason and then lifted my book off the table while i let out an involuntary sound, not unlike that of a mouth fart.

"ahhhh. ...... sounds fun. going back to school?"

now. while i died, a sick tragic, twisted death, jason proudly announced that yes, i was. nursing, to be exact.

meanwhile, i think his ol buddy actually choked, trying not to laugh, because i know that he was subtly glancing from that book to me, trying his darndest to take a mental picture for the time he gets hospitalized with his ruptured spleen and needs to ask for someone other than nurse kat, who brushed up on her math via a guide for dummies book.

but lifes' funny, no?

for all this fear i have about passing the test? i'm finding little joys along with every other chapter of my dummy book. 2 girls i know are registered for the fall classes as well and i think that would just rock, to not have to go it alone.

my newfound friendship with hope at work has become an unexpected blessing. and each time we've worked together lately, i've discovered even more depth and beauty in her spirit.

jason and i were all set to start couples counseling last saturday, when my resident doctor lady again called to reschedule. and i won't lie. buddy, it had my knickers in a real funky-tut. so when i called tuesday to just cancel the whole bloomin' thing, i wasn't expecting a man to answer the phone. nor was i expecting to just blast him from one end to the other with my frustrations. nor did i have any idea that he is a) a pastor and b) the head counselor.

heh.

that whole "God works in mysterious ways" thing? gets me every time.

so with much trepidation, i did a switcharoo. and as it turns out, it kinda ended up being an answered prayer.

i know you probably don't want to hear all the gory details. but for me, this time in my life is huge. and the very fact that jason and i ended up in a therapists office, when a year ago we were ready to hit the trail? is a beautiful thing.

i hope you all get to watch some fireworks tomorrow night. and i hope that your inner child will ooh and ahh with the best of 'em. but i also hope you'll give yourself a minute or two to just take it in. all of it. all of this. that we're so richly blessed with in our lives.