time for a breather

don't you hate it when even your email sends past due reminders. i swear there are days when i don't go to the mailbox because i'm avoiding having to even think about bills. and now my flickr account has reached the end of its free days. :sniff:

i took the day off, yesterday. and it was much needed. i let myself sleep. and i cleaned my embaressingly filthy house. all my unearthing of repressed memories has taken its toll on my sanity, as well as my piles of laundry and stacks of crap. not to mention making it just a tad bit depressing around this blog as well.

so we took a time-out, to rejuvenate. jason likes to utilize the phrase, "wife happy. life happy" from time to time. he's ok, that one.

he decided we needed to go have some fun last night, and headed over to the umoja {unity} festival. bella played carnival games and won a beret, and later giggled, caught up in the pied piper effect, running thru the legs of the new orleans troupe of stilt walkers chaka zulu, who are UH-mazing, may i just say.

and then we sang and boogied down with the zapp band ~ one of the leading soul/funk groups of its time, started in the late 70's by the troutman brothers. man, they've still got it too. they came out all energy and sparkles, doing all manner of crazy things with the talk box. it was such a good time. so incredibly fun.

then we came home and thanks to the crazy technology of the dvr, first watched the finale of So You Think You Can Dance. oi vey. how happy am i that joshua won. and i sat and cried like a baby when twitch and kherrington redid their viennese waltz. there is a moment, towards the end of the routine, when he picks her up and cradles her in his arms like a child as he continues to dance. can i tell you how that gets me right about here?? ugh. just go watch it. tore me up, that one. and for reasons i could never begin to even explain.

if ever there were an interpretive dance to portray the relationship between myself and my husband, music and all, this would be it. and its important you know this. because in all my projectile word vomiting around these parts, much more so when i delve into the history, the struggles ~ past and present ~ the very dynamics of my marriage, it is this binding aspect, this crazy and complex man that holds me, still.

which is no easy task. i'm a pretty stout heifer for such a petite dew drop. ;)

and then, last but not least, did you see the opening ceremony for the olympics?????

UN - be - LIEV - able .

i have had a long torrid love affair with the asian culture since i was a child. i have always been fascinated by the concepts of buddhism; the significance of water and openess. of mind/body/spirit connection. i adore their history and culture, the haunting music and tradition, the attention to the most minute detail, exquisite, even bordering on militant at times. there are many touches of asian culture i've adopted in my own life thruout the years, including this:

little known fun fact: i have 5 tattoos, which are all of significance to me. people tend to be shocked when they discover this unexpected little tidbit of information. they are not hidden, but somehow so much a part of me that unless pointed out, generally go unnoticed.

this particular piece is done in kanji, which is a japanese writing system, borrowing chinese characters. in the asian culture, words, even letters, are made up of elaborate symbols and characters. on a girls weekend to gatlinburg several years ago, we happened on a craft fair, where i found this lovely elderly chinese woman transcribing on rice paper. i asked if she could write my daughters name. rather than ask the spelling, like many people do, she asked me the meaning. she smiled then, and i stood in awe as i watched the magical strokes of her paintbrush create a work of art ~ what is now a wall hanging in my daughters room and a tattoo that stretches length-wise on the calf of my leg.

we found early on in my pregnancy we were having a girl. but when it came to deciding on a name, jason and i were stuck. we wanted a strong name. i wanted 2 middle names. jason wanted my name to be incorporated. we looked at books, i doodled on notepads, we talked for hours about what the name would be. and then one day, while driving home from work, there it was. when i crawled into bed, i whispered it to jason and he smiled, "perfect."

and so, some many months later, katherine (pure) bella (beautiful) reianna (and graceful) was born.

this tattoo is my daughters' name, in the definition of beautiful. and i find it not a coincidence, i chose to place this on my body. there are many different opinions on body modification. i once got into a long and heated discussion with one of jasons uncles' who, at a family reunion, chose to publicly damn my husband to hell for "desecrating his body", using the old testament as his guideline. he never apologized, but he never brought the subject up again.

often in my life, the term "God works in mysterious ways" has come into play. i don't pretend to know what Gods take on body piercing and tattoos might be. people can argue your body is a temple, but then tell me, honestly, would God turn anyone away that asked?

no.

in some ways, i've lived enough for several lives. and i've experienced some excruciating blows to my spirit over the past few years. but i think the fact that i chose to permanently inscribe beautiful on my skin is not just mine but Gods' reminder, that yes, yes i am.