through the looking glass

what am i doing tonight? nothing. and i like it that way. that's how i roll. i'm frazzled and i'm too tired of wallowing in my perpetual cesspool of gloom. so i'm gonna lay it to ya real, today. bella is in intersession this week, jasons' brakes went out on his car, the chihuahua has fleas and i'm out of caffeine. today is my day off, so i'm sitting in my pj's, about to get into m'blogs, m'peeps. but i have this great idea, first. and no, i promise i'm not gonna drag you along to the thrift store with me.

i think we should all get to know one another better. and because i'm a trend setter, because i am cool like this, i'm going to share a few random bits about me and life in general, this morning. things i feel you should know. also, i'd find it fantastic if you'd join my cheerleading team over there on the right.

oh. and you're all, every one of you, tagged.

so lets get started.

*d'you know there's literally nothing tasty you can ever do with beets, ever? whoever heard of tasty beets anyway. seriously, google it. it'll come up "ewwwww. go stab your eye with a rusty spoon now. whats wrong with you".

*my favorite pet post-pregnancy 8 year old hemmoroid is flaring up, friends. tmi, you say? perhaps. but if i'm a little grumpy from time to time, now you'll know why.

hey. i'm a giver.

*my feet hurt. all the time. they never used to. it started about 6 months ago & i'm gonna go with the thought that my extra gut/spare tire/excessive boobage and trunkage doesn't neccesarily help my cause, but mostly its hereditary. my birth dad and his mother have horrid feet. also, you should know i have a foot fetish, because of this. and no, not in a weird, gross, freak kind of way. i just appreciate a pretty foot. i remember visiting that side of the family when i was little, and staring a little too long at my grandmothers feet, which were all gnarled and disfigured, as she hobbled around like a wee little hobbit, minus the toe hair. which reminds me. thats a pet peeve.

people. shave. your. toe. hair.

aaaaanywhoo. my dad wore like a size 16 shoe and i hated his feet and i always hoped i would have pretty feet, which, for the most part, turned out ok, tho i wear like a ginormous size 9 or 10, surprisingly mammoth for how short i actually turned out. and. i have weird little square toes. really awkward to paint.....

but i digress. the point is, i LOVE my feet but i haven't taken CARE of my feets. let this be a lesson. i've spent the vast majority of my adulthood either barefoot, in flip-flops, or standing on concrete floors for 10 - 12 hour shifts.

don't do that.

my 20's feet were fab. my 30's feet, not so much. lets just say we're not bff's anymore. 'totally not taking them to prom in stilettos. sometimes they hurt so bad i want to cry. and sometimes, i do, secretly. sometimes, in the morning, i hobble around just like my grandma and i curse those genes that also provided me with a carbon copy of my aunt cheryl's butt.

nice one, God. way to share the love. rock on, with your bad Self.

i have a very real, authentic, even justified fear, that sooner than i want, i will require surgery on said feet. which is kinda a bummer now that i've decided to go back to school. but don't worry, i'm a whiner, so i'll keep you posted.

*my mother brought up the subject of blogs the other night and freaked me the crap, out. i said something cool and largely to the extent of :

"hahaha. wow. that's cool. blogs. whoa. what're those. hahaha. whoa. some crazy new blizzard at dq? these kids today...."

lets just say there are a few subjects i may write about but not neccesarily publish around these parts. for this very reason. because she claims to be all technologically challenged, but how do i know this, 1200 miles away. this is the same woman that not so long ago, admitted to watching LA Ink "on the cable" and that "that little kat von d is so cute". yah. i know. also, she's just recently started calling me kat. which is endearing but also, just so weird. because she's always called me katherine. i think she's trying to be hip. so now she's got me all paranoid that she's secretly reading my blog and building up a case against me. and all because my sister dropped the bomb that she'd started one but she "wasn't giving mom the http://, so phbbbbt."

eesh. way to dangle a carrot, kim. like i need this aggravation. i'm thinking of slapping a disclaimer up there on the side and then gettin' dirty 'round these parts.

*my ears are guaged. and i can never remember the size. i think 5/8" but i don't keep up with these details, which would kinda stink if i actually bought body jewelry on a regular basis. but thankfully, i'm a low maintennance kind of gal. i know i can stick my pinky finger thru them. which, incidentally, is a fun party trick at your inlaws bbq or your kids vbs. i've been pierced a total of 17 x's and this always amazes people because you'd never know it. i was never a *metal face* as the kids say. but i enjoyed my brief stint in body modification. and no, i have no deeper meaning as to the "why" other than it meant and means something to me.

currently, i wear only a nose ring and my plugs. its interesting, tho, when people notice these things, because to me, as with my tattoos, they're just a part of me. i started guaging my ears the year bella was born. my m-i-l just discovered this only a month ago, and, i'm sure, is currently rethinking her adoration. i think my own mom still doesn't know. i think that they think i just wore/wear big round clip-ons. viva la '80's.

*my favorite super-hero's are always either of the human kind, or animations of the pixar variety. sure, there's that soft spot i'll always hold sacred for my first love, spider-man. but my new favoritest hero is wall-e.

* speaking of the '80's, did any of you ever do one of those season color palette parties? 'remember those? they were like tupperware parties, and all the rage. you could find out if you were a *spring* or a *winter*. good times.

* my favorite word of the week is *smite*. as in, the lord hath smited me, one too many times. or my daughter has smited me by giving me such a grand new batch of grey hair today. or that jive turkey in the turning lane that cut in front of me hath smited me.

you should try it. its fun.

*speaking of mom....she always told us that people who cussed, didn't have a very intelligent vocabulary. this has always stuck with me. at the same time, i've never professed to being overly intelligent. therefore, i do admit to a sort of compromise on this one. i love words. 'love quotes more. i have a vast collection of song lyrics and poems and bits & pieces of wisdom i've soaked up thru the years. i also tend to wheel & deal my own very special brand of potty mouth. to date, these are some of my most profane words, dug out of my dusty archive of a mind, just for you, on this most sacred of sharing days.

cheesy goodness.
sweet nuggets.
bump it.
snap
shblahblah.
jive turkey
shbliggity.
fudge-ripple.
craptastic.
hello fuzzy.
stinkin' heck.
slimey hockeypuck freakin' DURFWAD. (which i totally stole.)
what the foxtrot.
frassin
cheeky monkey
crackin
crusty dragon

feel free to borrow 'em at will, and distribute liberally. rinse, repeat.

*i heart my teeth and i've never had a cavity. knock on wood. the only issue i ever had with my teeth was yet another hereditary type thing, when my eye teeth started migrating towards my brain.

brain, nasal cavity, whatever. you get the point. its all going in the same direction. directly up there and probably shifting towards the left. why not.

anyway, they pulled them down, pulled my wisdom teeth out, and once the swelling had gone down, some 17 months later, slapped braces on me for 2 years with a night plate thrown in for good behavior.

but here's the kicker. to date, i've not been to the dentist in 12 years. oh i know. floss me now. you can call me gross, i don't care. i actually am pretty anal about my teeth, tho anal and teeth doesn't neccesarily a pretty sentence, make. i floss and brush regularly, thank you. twice a day even. with vigor. i don't have stains on my teeth and my teeth are not yellow, unless i stand next to someone reaaalllly tan. i also do not have stank breath, aside from when i partake of german food or my annual reuben. but see, i have this phobia that if/when i actually go for a checkup and a long over-do *cleaning* that they're gonna totally screw up the good i've got going and i'll be in dentures by 35. also, until i can justify the co-pay and not feel obscenely guilty that that $35 could be filling my tank with gas? not. gonna. happen.

oddly enough, i'm obsessive about my child's teeth and proper dental visits. weird.

*i cannot stand the feeling of peach fuzz or anything remotely paper/tissue-like on my tongue. tongue depressors? nuh-uh. and those little paper sticks holding up your dum-dums? i gag if my tongue actually makes connection with one. i have this irrational fear that someone is going to jump me in some obscure rest stop bathroom some day. probably in arizona~go with me on this~its my paranoia. anyway, they're going to then randomly pick my stall, stuff my mouth with toilet paper, and i'm totally going to die from just the sensation of something that fiber-ous in my mouth.

*i like to think i can talk all gangsta. except my gangsta comes out like *gangster*. which kind of defeats my purpose. viva la enunciation. but i'm cute, in a chubby chipmunk kind of way, which totally makes up for it.

word to your mother.

*frank, the wonder weiner dog has found a new home. and tho i miss his soft tummy and beautiful face and stinky kisses, our home has been soooo much more calm, and my soiled and tattered sanity has perked up by miles. good decision.

*i have a secret affection for printed tees. oh, i know. i know. its all so last year. but i can't help myself.

*so we were watching jon stewarts interview with with bill maher, the other night. he was pounding the publicity circuit for his new bit, titled "religulous" ~ his comedic attack on religious fundamentalism. and i have to say i was really, incredibly dissapointed, ya know? i've always been a fan of mahers. he's not, what i'd call a *subscriber* to the pc aspect and tho i may argue with my sister about just such things, i do secretly admire a person not afraid to throw their opinion out there.

i don't know how many of you will admit to watching mahers "real time" but i was always a fan of the round table setup, much in the same way i always got a special kind of joy from watching dennis millers' rants. i'm all for the spoofs, the sattire, and mixing it up a little. making people think. but i start to get aggravated when certain things don't seem sacred anymore. and maybe thats not fair. maybe thats a double-standard. i dunno.

i know you could argue, and maher certainly attempts to convey, that religion HAS become just this big joke in the world of politics. which wouldn't neccesarily be a lie. it has , in my opionion, become this big word with "connotations" for them to hide behind, when the guys up on the hill don't have the answers. anyway, they dissected a scene from a road trip through rural North Carolina, where Maher pauses at a tiny truck-stop chapel for some good-natured joshing with the congregation. Whereas he says *religion* sells "an invisible product," Maher explains to them, he's peddling doubt. and i just thought he got a little too personal, thats what i'm saying.

my opinion. just mine.

*i am secretly concerned that i know more about foreign policy than sarah palin.

*i think you should always make a spare key. always. so you don't end up crawling thru the window and getting stuck, halfway through, while the dog cruelly laughs at you from the bed. remind me to tell you that story sometime.

*when i walk by blankets, pillows, towels in stores, i have to touch/squeeze them for the softness factor. also, i'm obsessed with pillows. i have 10 on my bed. 10, count em. jason secretly loves this. he just doesn't know it yet.

*i can never remember anyone's birthday. never. and i always feel terrible when i realize i have. i feel i have personally mastered the *belated* section at hallmark.

*someday, i want to learn how to roller-skate/ice-skate. but i'm also deathly afraid of the ground not being underneath me. thats kinda why my pilots license and marine biology quests were a flop.

*3 things you should listen to: the ocean, the wind and the trees


* these are borrowed terms i wouldn't mind describing me too:

a gem. devoted. soul/spirit/earth sister,daughter,friend & mother. awakening. opening my heart. practicing. expanding. grounded. creator. healer. artist. writer. minister to hurts. lover of learning and lists, the color green and wild flowers. joyful. divine. delighted. connected. in awe. bold. curious. open. colorful. full of life. tender. soft. scrumptious.