mumbo jumbo

argh.

i hate government red tape. aka, medicaid. more like i hate the process. and i hate that i'm stereotypical in my assumptions of who actually ever qualifies for what they really need. but its more than a little exasperating to me that the family with both parents working to provide and pay their bills and taxes, are deemed unqualified, yet the 19 year old drop-out,expectant mother with 2 already at her ankles,wearing fancy gold hoops, selling pot our her window and her food stamps for cash and deciding which pair of ed hardy jeans to buy her baby daddy, does.

thats not to say its every case. but that 19 year old girl? was my previous upstairs neighbor. i know of a family right now receiving $800 in food stamps for 4 kids cuz their dad won't consistently hold a job. and i had a coworker i barely know call me last week to let me know she'd used my name as a reference so her caseworker would be calling. all i needed to do was lie and tell her we'd been friends for 2 years and that she and her husband, a truck-driver, are "seperated", so her food stamps, daycare, child support and insurance could continue.

its not my place to judge someone. but i really, really struggle with the injustice sometimes. i believe everyone deserves a chance and a hand up, along the way. not to be confused with hand-out. but don't they need to also work for it? or was i just one of those rare people that grew up in a time and place where you Did The Right Thing.

now do those kids deserve the help because for whatever reason, their parents can't provide it? absolutely. so with that said, doesn't mine deserve that same chance too?

i never had the luxury of not working to support my child. i did what i needed to do. and yet,it seems because i chose to work and provide for my family, although commendable in society,was more like a shot in the foot.

crazy.

don't mind me. i've just been on the phone with our local medicaid office.i'd already assumed it would be a cold hard summer before jason and i could get coverage but i figured bella would surely be eligible, where jasons' insurance ended with his lay-off.

but after a 30 minute interview, i was told we didn't qualify because our $1700/month income is over their requirements for a family of 3. ironic, since not 6 days ago, i received a letter in the mail from the same state, advising that bella would be eligible to receive free lunches at school, as we made less than half of what the state estimates to be the average income for a family of our size, listing us at poverty level, in black and white.

its funny, really. my little piece of heaven over here could certainly never be mistaken for the taj mahal. and i'm aware that our monthly income is a mere monthly mortgage payment for some of you out there. yet i know we're so very blessed and that we have more than so many. i don't feel like i live in poverty, until the very government that i help support and provide for, slap me in the face.

i know i'm not alone in my frustration. i just wish i could fix it.