march madness

so the green soup isn't bad. really and truly isn't. next time, i do intend to explore the the collards section a little more carefully and mix it up a little. i think there's a whole world out there with greens that i really haven't explored. also, i may or may not use the leeks, tho if i do, i solemnly swear to leave the *leaves* out. haha.

anyway. for this, my first time, and at 121 calories a serving and chock full of rootin-tootin goodness, i label this success. its rustic and filling and packed with flavor. i have a serving once a day, usually in the afternoon as a snack and its growing on me. i look forward to that.

its funny how changing little things really does make a difference. even just in taste. yesterday i had to take one of our M.R. clients to a dr. appointment in knoxville and afterwards she chose mcdonalds to get a bite to eat. i could've, nay should have gone with a salad or fish sandwich but i revolted with both fists in the air and determined that i've been good and therefore should be REWARDED with fries and a mcdouble!! but as i ate my fries, they started to actually taste gross. and by the time i'd finished, i felt like a bloated cow. discovering that just those 2 things on my little splurge had cost me a whopping 770 calories to boot, made me all but melt into a saturated puddle of fat on the floor.

but today is another day. and i'm being careful and using my noggin'. i'm not being a nazi about my intake or my outake....would i love to lose that 40 pounds and then some, yes. i've set goals for myself but i'm not cutting myself off from everything deliciously *bad* in the world either. and some days, exercise and i just don't meet in the middle. this week for instance has been killer ~ i've had 1 day off in 9. and 12 hour shifts begin to wear on you. so i've been tired and stressed and haven't got my miles in, walking or hittin' the wii, but i'm shaking that off. because every day is a good day that i'm getting healthier.

jason and bella have been super awesome too. i decided when i embarked on this little journey that my biggest goal of all, whether i ever reach my *perfect weight* is just to ultimately strive to live healthier and happier. there are some things i want to be able to do and experience, that i can't right now, to the fullest of my ability. and i want to change that. i want to narrow my chances of heart disease and diabetes. i want to feel healthier. be more active. have more energy. and i want to take my family along with me for that ride, in a good way.

i think kids have enough stress just growing up, without all the extra bells and whistles and labels that are thrown at them these days. and i feel like i have a huge hit or miss opportunity right now, to make health fun for bella. so i want to include her; empower her with good and smart choices and a positive body image as i struggle to kinda get there myself. my hope is that she grows up avoiding some of my pitfalls, and that she grows up in that quiet confidence that is bold and beautiful and brave as she enters her own womanhood.

i love to cook. its that mothering, nurturing thing my sister and i both inherited. like our mom before us and all the other wonderful cooks that go back generations in our family tree. its one of the things i think i do best, and defines me on many levels. cooking makes me happy. i love to pour over recipes and try new concoctions. i love feeding people and i love that my home, and my kitchen, no matter how small, is an oasis for family and friends. so finding ways to *tweak* recipes has actually been really fun for me. butter has its exquisite place, for example. but olive oil has been a really neat new challenge for me too.

one thing i really love is a good old traditional, countrified, stick-to-your-ribs, soul-food kind of meal. one thing my family loves is meatloaf, and not to toot my own horn, but i make a killer meatloaf. usually piled high with mashed potatoes too. oi vey.

so last night, bella helped me create a new meatloaf, packed with garlic, onion, roasted tomatoes, carrots and mushrooms. and it turned out soooo good. i used half the meat i usually would, with all the other veggies thrown in, and instead of the mashed potatoes, we had roasted potatoes with green beans. it was healthy without knowing it. and it was scrumptious.

bella has started counting calories and servings along with me and its so funny to see her looking at labels and deciding on her afternoon snacks now. yesterday she came up with milk, an orange, a cheese wedge, some carrots, and a mini bag of m&m's. she'd arranged it on a plate all "top chef" like and proudly displayed her masterpiece

"275 calories of goodness, mama. booyah."

i got so tickled, because i feel like she gets it. and that maaaaybe i'm doing my job right. by showing her that you can cut back without cutting out and just being creative. which was my intention when i bought that bag of mini m&m packs, tho i never told her. i love chocolate. she does too. if i have a mini pack, it makes me feel like i got my fix, and its one-third the calories of a regular bag. so i can have something else with it which makes my subconscious feel like like a big happy fat buddha. and we all need to to feed those lil' suckers inside us...

so maybe i'll only lose 2 or 4 of those desired 10 pounds this month. but i'm doin' good. :)