of in-laws and breakfast in bed

since we've not visited ye old video store in awhile, we scored 2 free rentals over the weekend and watched "baby mama" last night when i got off work. can i just say, tina fey is an incredible writer. the storyline was more poignant that hilarious, and tho a few snippets here and there were typically crass or fell a little short, it was a good movie. plus, it had a great soundtrack, which is always a plus in my book.

so day 2 of fall break. bella made me breakfast in bed: 2 slices of toast with a grape jelly heart, and a mug o' milk.

now. i would agree that this would, indeed, merit an "awww" from those bleeding hearts among you, if it weren't for her making up for shennanigans yesterday.

you'll remember i had to work yesterday. and the deal was, she was going to visit mamaw & her great uncle d for about an hour, then nana (jasons mom) was going to swing by and pick her up and jason would get her after work.

somewhere along the way? bella asked for a kitten. so what does any responsible grandmother do? she takes her to the pound and lets her pick one out.

who does that???

i hesitate to get into this because i love my mother in law. i do. in the big scheme of in-law horror stories, she's one of the good guys. lord knows she's been there for us. and genuinely, i owe her alot. but i have an exasperating sort of relationship with her, because i think bella is her 2nd chance at making up for lost time with her sons.

she and bella are very close, largely because i had to work all the time when she was a baby. so bella spent much of her most formative years at nana's hip instead of mine. and this would be all the more endearing, if it weren't for the fact that nana views her role not as nana but as mama.

jason and his brother grew up latchkey kids. their parents both worked and money was tight. in their defense, their parents grew up in a whole other era. there wasn't alot to offer 2 people who had dropped out of highschool. you got a job at the factory and you bought a trailer. and life was hard. the boys spent their afternoons and weekends at babysitters, the boys club, or home alone.

and because life was hard, the philosophy was you didn't dwell on things. matter of fact, you just didn't deal with them at all. which is why, when jason went to his mother at the age of 9, over being sexually molested repeatedly by a family member, she patted his shoulders and said, simply, "ok".

jason also remembers being 16 in highschool and heavy into drugs, went on a binge that knocked him out cold for 2 1/2 days. he woke up in his own vomit and waste and crawled to the living room to ask his dad for help. i can't fathom that. i know after 5 minutes of uninterrupted silence that something is askew with my daughter.

the thing is, we all have a back-story....pieces to the puzzle that make up who we are. and in the 10 years i've known jasons family, i find that i'm still gathering those pieces. and no, it doesn't always excuse behavior, but it makes it easier, sometimes, to understand.

what i don't get, what i don't feel is fair, is how his mother never seems to show us respect. she can never just stand back and treat us like anything other than stupid children who continue to make mistakes, in her book.

to date, she's bought bella the following pets, without our permission:

2 hamsters
3 parakeets
countless hermit crabs
a 20 gallon fish aquarium
a cat

just 2 weekends ago, while out thrift shopping with bella, she'd found a cute little cheerleading skirt that she wanted. but the logical side of my brain had kicked in, and a dress-up item was not on my itenerary when she needed jeans. so i said no, because this shopping trip, we were looking for school clothes, not play clothes. she was dissapointed but took it well. bella then went to spend the night with nana that saturday and when i get home sunday night, take a wild guess as to who greets me with pom-poms shaking, in that cute little cheerleading skirt.

i felt defeated. and i really didn't know who to be angry with. my daughter, for being naughty and asking for it, when i'd said no and explained why. my mother in law for being a jerk and buying it simply because i'd said no. or my husband for not standing up for me and backing me up with our daughter.

rrggghh.

the thing is, bella knows, in all her childish wisdom, that she can have whatever she wants at nana's house. that the word *no* doesn't exist there. and even tho she couldn't put it accurately into so many words, she's being shown the fine art of manipulation and disrespect, in the process.

an example: i limit bella's sugar intake drastically at home. soda's for instance, are reserved only for special occasions. but nana takes my words, my requests, and tosses them in the trash. at nana's house, bella can have a happy meal and then chocolate chip cookies and a piece of cake and a diet soda with a bowl of ice cream to boot. at nana's house, she can watch scary movies and stay awake til midnight and have no repercussions.

and maybe linda is making up for all those times she had to tell her boys no. all the times she didn't have enough money. i don't know.

i do know its a great source of aggravation in my life. jason and i both have to work. my own family are miles away, we have a handful of friends that aren't in the position to help us with bella, i don't know alot of people in the church because i'm working when they have bible studies, etc....and add to that, i really don't have the money to pay for professional child care. so i feel stuck, alot of the time. and nana and papaw become our backup plan. and i wish that weren't so. i wish i was in a position where that wasn't necessary.

at very least, jason put his foot down with the cat. he told his mom the kitten needs to stay there, despite her rebukes and bella's tears. i'm proud of him for that. and when i got home last night, we had to go have an in-depth conversation with our 8 year old on the importance of respect. hers and nana's.

so i'm curious. what are some of your experiences with in-laws and how have you dealt with them....

monday, monday

oi vey. i've been gone, baby, gone. for i have worked my butt off, over the last several days. which is tragic, actually, what with my lack of one. never the belly, always the butt....

i'm so tired.

but enough about me. have you missed me? i know i've missed you. my poor computer has felt all unloved and such. alas, these things happen. anyways, i'm so excited!! you all love me, you really love me! i'm snoopin' around the net and there in bright, bold print, i'm in link! i'm lovin' it!! that sophie in the moonlight chickadoo took me up on my lil challenge, and delivered with a rockin' post, all random and obscure and long-winded and such. heheh.

awesome.

oh and check this out. apparently i created something called a "meme". which is far-out and i think means i get to sit at the cool kids table for lunch. although, i'm still not entirely sure about that whole beet thing. really, truly.

its so fun to find out little snippets about eachother. for instance, it now gives me a special little chuckle, the notion that everytime sophie pops by my page, she probably becomes exasperated with all my run-on sentences, my refusal to capitalize or punctuate properly, and the fact that alot of times? i misspell things and i leave them that way because i'm really just too lazy to spellcheck or dictionary.com it.

i do kind of, sort of, have a reason for that tho. english/lit was my best and most favorite subject all throughout school. 'never got less than an "A". i could read before any of my friends and i loved books. they were my escape. my safe place. i loved words and everything that went with those words. secretly, i think i'd have been a great english teacher.

i credit my mom for much of that. and i'm so grateful, because reading has been a tough subject with my own daughter, which has been abit of a dissapointing yet exciting, challenging and hopeful craptastic type journey.

but see, i also credit mom for that unnatainable standard i tried so hard to live up to, growing up. i always thought i'd have made a great violinist because i had the perfect trainer. it was always, "better, more, practice, more". my 5th and 6th years, i remember sitting at our kitchen table every night after school, having to practice my penmanship over and over for her, because my letters were puffy and cloud-like and "ridiculous."

and in her defense, yes, they were. and because of all that practice, for a long while, i had beautiful handwriting. i think i lean to the right of chicken scratch now, but i appreciate her intention at the time.

but much of my formative years was dictated by the appearance i put forth for others. and i subscribed to that, wholeheartedly. i'm not saying how my parents chose to raise us was wrong. we all want to see the best out of our kids, no? but i am saying mom was hard on me. a fact i both appreciate and resent, because its been a weird road to travel, at times. i'm constantly reminded of putting forth that best appearance when tempted to do my own thing. be my own person. think my own thoughts.

and can i just say, thats exhausting, people.

so the first time i sat down and decided to write in my own journal, it felt like a dirty little secret, like smoking behind the barn, that first time i didn't capitalize my sentence. the first time i didn't end with a period. and so here we are now. and this why i'm me.

but enough of that.

in other news, you will all, i'm sure, be pleased to know that i've been hittin' the circuit hardcore in my brand new orthopedic shoes, so you better believe i've been rockin those suckers like the hot cougar i am. word to your grandmutha. the only bummer? as with the 18 hour bra, which is such the giant rip, as you know, long about hour 7 in those puppies? it all goes downhill. in other words, my feet still hurt. only now they get to hurt in snappy ortho shoes with that delicious new burnt bandaid smell.

score.

this conversation actually took place in the byrd family living room last night:

whine, whine, complain, sniff, whine
i'm sorry, honey. you want me to rub them for you?
no. they hurt. erego, i want you to chop them off
i can fire up the chainsaw...
that'd be swell. yah.
let me go find it
also, i'll need a few advil, some towels for the cleanup and something to stop the bleeding. whats that stuff men use when they're shaving? OH. and i'll need something to hold in my mouth so we can muffle the screams, yet gentle enough to not break my teeth.
wow. would you like a dry martini while i'm at it?
make it a dirty. that would be rockin'. oh, but then i'd bleed like a stuffed pig. wait. is it stuffed or stuck?
i'm gonna let you decide on that one
alright. on 2nd thought, maybe we should do this outside.also, maybe we should wait til i i've carved out some really rockin' tree stumps and thrown some bedazzle around the roots for toes.
mm. you knooooow. halloween's coming up.
suh-weeet. we won't even have to deal with cops or an ambulance then. we can just give everyone a great show. hey. we could even charge. then maybe i'd have enough for some prosthetic ones down the road when my roots rot out.
now you're cookin' with gas.
viva la halloween.

so we planned this huge birthday party for *flow* this weekend. we, being myself and
1 coworker. we went to a lot of trouble to make the whole blasted thing nice. we decorated,we made a cake, presents were bought. people were invited. guess who showed up. not my boss. no, my friends, she was a no-show. and when i called to guilt gently remind her?

and i quote: "kat, you have to realize people have lives outside this job."

may God strike her while she's kicked back in the easy chair with saggy breastessess. seriously. i have no patience for some people, anymore. i'm too old for this crap. also, i'll remember that when i get my own life one of these days.

but y'know what? even tho this whole different work schedule stinks like yesterday's garbage, i'm grateful i got stuck with the 1 coworker that helps keep me young and hip. we have "yo mama" contests off & on all day long, wherein someone starts it and the other person adds on. its fun. you know ~ a good time, and what-not.

yo mama
in houseslippers
in the kitchen
with whipped cream and a bowling ball
wearin' your myspace teeshirt
talkin' trash
to yo pappy
about your lipstick wearin, booty skirt barin' jive talk swearin' cousin ida may

whatever. you do what i do and don't see if you lean to the edge of crazy. kiss my grits. and i say that with love.

anyways. besides putting up with ridiculous people and shifts that go on for days, i've also managed to squeeze in some halloween cookie decoratin' down by the creek and a company picnic with the hubs and talent contesting with the resident red-head. so i'm sure we'll be busy this week, tho today is not that day. for one, because i have to work this afternoon. and for 2, because i'm pooped. i managed to convince her we needed to sleep in this morning and once placated with an egg sammich, some chocolate milk, a mini pack of m&m's and, :gasp:, tv time in the form of cartoons , i am officially the coolest most laziest mom ever.

oh hush. she's gonna take a bath too. so she'll at least be clean. eesh.

she's entered the photography and song portions of their talent competition, and right now she's torn between judy garlands' "over the rainbow" and sarah mclachlins' "arms of the angel". so when the big decision is ever made, i'll hopefully have a lil video or sound bite for your enjoyment. and, of course, you know i'll have a back story for her little photo montage.

i've also been taking care of jasons grandmother each morning during the week. or, as they rock it down south, his *mamaw*. she's in the early stages of alzheimers and still lives at home ~ mornings seem to confuse her most.

some mornings are easy. i bring chico, that retarded chihuahua i've inherited, and make sure she's had breakfast and her meds. i might coax her into a walk or watching the "golden
girls". maybe she'll look at a photo album with me or play with the dog. sometimes she lets me play with her hair and curl it just so. sometimes she just naps while i clean.

some mornings are not so easy. and they make me sad and introspective. on wednesday last week, it was rainy all day. weather that i personally love. but for her, it signaled distress. her faithful sunshine hadn't come out to greet her and this was confusing and scary. she met me at the door in her pajamas, her hair wild around her face and her eyes wide with fear. i wanted to just hold her on my lap and squeeze her tight and sing her lullabye's and tell her everything was gonna be ok. i think about the bouts of depression i've had over the past little while. and how i feel when my sunshine doesn't greet me.

lucky for you, i'm back on caffeine. so there's bound to be abit more sunshine now and again.

boo-yah.

p.s. yah. i've edited this like 4x's today. you're welcome.

wherein i applaud the fine work of our educational systems

bella has *intersession* this week.where she now goes to school year-round, their breaks are longer than the *normal kids*. next week is official fall break and this week they had the option of attending a special *theme week* at school, in lieu of just playing around the house and getting into mischief. of course i'm a hands-on kind of mom, and immediately asked where i could sign up for THAT, yes that. some of that, please.

heh.

so their theme week is all about water. monday, she got to go to the ripleys aquarium in gatlinburg. it was kind of a big deal, considering its 2 hours away. and for the past month, that's all we've heard about. what i found hilarious, tho, was when our kids all rolled up in their big fancy charter buses at the end of the day, the first thing you heard from 60 little voices had nothing to do with water or how cool the shark tanks were. instead, it was:

MOM. they had tv's on the bus! with the disney channel.

score one for education there.

what i surmised from bella's descriptive recount on the way home, was that the bus also had a bathroom and, oh yah, at the aquarium, jim made the *call me* sign to the diver in the tank and she made the *come here* sign with her finger crooked like this and so he did and then she blew him a kiss. also, on the way back home, she and carlos got into a discussion about nursing sharks being bigger than their heads which was obviously so funny and i just didn't get it.

tuesday, they got to go on a pretend *desert trek* in search of water. they also learned the importance of water conservation and began building their own wishing wells. bella came home with an assignment to write down how many things she did last night that were water related. what foods she ate, that had water in them, etc... but what bella remembers most about yesterday? that her best friend randi told everyone what color underwear she was wearing because she saw up her skirt when bella went down the slide upside down and that jim's big brother hit her on the butt with his lunchbox and she gave him a look like THIS.

so tonite, when jason called me at work to let bella say goodnight, i wondered what tall tales she'd have to share. they were scheduled to visit a large state park today and see how a water treatment plant worked and then visit a fish hatchery. unfortunately, it rained all day, so their plans were kind of, ahem, drowned out.

our conversation went down like this:

hey mama

hey baby, whatcha doin.

oh nothin. playin' with runtz. daddy's makin me go to BED. and i haven't even seen all the muppet wizard of oz. but he said he was tapin' it so we could all watch it.

well its that time, no?

:long dramatic sigh: yaaaaah. i guess.

so did you have fun today?

oh mama, it rained. so we couldn't go to the park.

yah, i saw that. i'm sorry. what'd you do instead.

welllll we watched a movie and had lunch and then we played in the gym and you know what? randi wanted to look in my lunchbox today and she saw my granola bar and asked if she could have it and i said no cuz we're not 'posed to swap but she said please and i said no but then i said it was ok, cuz mama? i kind of didn't want that anyway. but i told her only if she promises not to eat it at school and then guess what, she was eatin it right there watching the movie. yah. and it was chicken run. oh and you know what? i'm never gonna trust her again EVER with my secrets because i told her i have crush on luke and then she told EVERYBODY and then luke was running from me all day long.

why was he running from you?

cuz i was chasin him.

ahhh. well you know what would be the cool thing to do?

what

tomorrow, just act like it never even happened. like you never said such a thing. and then he'll forget all about it. and especially don't chase him.

yah. thats probably good. oh. and mama? when nana picked me up, i asked if i could have a i-dog cuz they have them at burger king, ya know it? i saw it on the commercial. and she asked me if i was hungry and i said i could probably eat. so the i-dog? it has a paper costume and his nose lights up. yah. cool, huh? and i had chicken nuggets and fries and a chocolate milk. is that ok? because actually i was kinda hungry because i had no snack for the movie cuz randi was eating my granola bar and i had a big whoppin nothin. yah, nothin. i was starved, i tell ya.

hmm. maybe you should keep your granola bar next time, yah? soooo what did you learn about water today.

uh, mama. hello? it rained. we couldn't do nothin about water. kind of a bummer, huh?

the foot of the matter

today, my devotion out of God Calling reads:

Jesus, the very thought of You, with Sweetness, fills us.

Yes. Love Me until just to think of Me means Joy and rapture. Gladness at the thought ofOne very near and dear. It is the balm for all your sorrows, the thought of Me. Healing for all physical, mental, and spiritual ills you can always find in thinking of Me, and speaking to Me. Are doubts and fears in your Hearts? Then think of Me, speak to Me. Instead of those fears and doubts there will flow into your hearts and beings such sweet Joy as is beyond any joy of earth.

This is unfailing. Never doubt it. Courage. Courage. Courage. Fear nothing.Rejoice even in your darkest places.

what a blessing that is, on this rainy day. what an encouragement. and logging on to my computer this morning, i'm reminded also, of the blessing this outlet of the internet provides me as well. such a gentle minister to my spirit, especially on darker days.

making me think about throwing rocks at the proverbial squirrels in our lives

being reminded of the times when we feel most alone, that God is saying:

Sometimes I lead you up a high mountain with only My hand to support you. The higher you climb, the more spectacular the view becomes; also, the more keenly you sense your separation from the world with all its problems. This frees you to experience exuberantly the joyous reality of my Presence. Give yourself fully to these Glory-moments, awash in dazzling Light. I will eventually lead you down the mountain. back into the community with others. Let My Light continue to shine within you as your walk among people again.

2 Corinthians 3:7; Psalm 96:6; John 8:12

thinking, in depth, of greener pastures.

How often after we turned “green” do we go back to our “stuff” Broken dreams, dashed hopes, failed marriage, bankrupt, vacant, empty, depressed, sad, incomplete, tired, worn out, exhausted, burnt out, angry, frustrated, crushed, disappointed, trapped, closed in.

David makes a very simple, but profound observation here.

God gives Life.
Not ordinary life but renewed life.

again and again over the past few years, i've come back to this place of humbling in my life. for some reason, i must be a pretty tough cookie to crumble. me? stubborn? ha!

so God bends just a little more. and just a little more. he bends me, yet doesn't break me. and i've done my share of grumbling in the process. its not always been so easy for me to rejoice in those moments.

one of my greatest heroes is julia butterfly hill. i have always loved a particular excerpt from a log of her first 100 days on top of a giant redwood named luna . even tho she felt this answer from a tree that had become her heart and voice and home, i feel it as much, Gods voice.

"think of the trees in the storm. trees don’t try and stand up straight and tall and erect, they allow themselves to be blown with the wind. If they don’t, they snap and fall. allow yourself to be blown with the wind. understand the power of letting go. do what it takes, allow yourself to blow with the wind, and know that I’m going to hold us up. Now is not the time for you to be strong. I’ll hold us up and we’ll make it through."

today i love the song "you're not alone" by meredith andrews.

my job with the state, is with an organization that provides health-care, occupational and physical therapy and residential services to adults with mental retardation. it has been a beautiful yet heartbreaking journey, at times. and it has been a great source of grief for me lately. i suddenly find myself on a teetering edge of unknown, as tho the rugs' been pulled out from under me. and while i feel this is all a part of the road God needs me to walk alone, set aside, it doesn't make it any easier to process.

some days feel relentless.

i work long shifts, caring for 2 women in their home. you'll remember ebb and flow. for reasons unknown to any of us, really, flow seems enamored with me. i've seen this tiny woman fly into rages of unbelievable proportions with more staff than i care to acknowledge. flow has also, never once, done so to me. i am the one preferred staff she turns to. i am the one person they call when nothing else works. and i don't know what it is, this magical
thread that connects us. but i love her more than mere words could ever convey.

on the verge of these changes, tho, with the job, and in my own life as well , i find that my job has shifted. that i have provided her with the best care i could give. that i have comforted her in her storms. but i am now inadvertently forced to step slowly away and watch her confusion head-on, full-throttle. i'm still there. but for circumstances beyond my control, i'm forced to realize that i can't be that person to hold her hand. that i can and will always love her. always champion her. always have her best interest at heart. but tho i am close, so close, i have to do so from afar.

i wonder, sometimes, if thats how God feels about us.

as a diabetic, one of flows most important needs, is that of proper footcare. she cries and screams, will hit and kick and bite, over someone tending to her feet. but for some reason, she does none of these things with me. always careful to approach the subject gently with her, i've somehow always managed to sucessfully work on them, without incident. staff and managers alike have asked me what the secret is. but the truth is, i have none. i just love her. and so i wash her feet.

we had a great service a few months back, about feet. and you know me and feet. i was intrigued, to say the least, when i spotted the sermon title. i found the praise and worship portion just a tad long that morning, wanting to get to the good stuff. :)

we spent that hour in john 13, where there's the story of Jesus washing the disciples' feet.

that's always got me. right about here. that He chose to do the lowliest of things. to humble Himself in that way, in effort to show His love for them. for us.

if you think about it, feet are possibly, who am i kidding, the nastiest, dirtiest portion of our bodies, with the exception of the words that can come out of our mouths. sometimes, even now, God washes my feet. and i wish i could say that i always sit there appreciative over that humbled gesture. without incident. but i don't. sometimes, i fall way short.

but how awesome is it, to have a God who doesn't hesitate to love us. to tend to our hearts and hurts. to our very brokenness. to hold our hands.

to wash our feet.

through the looking glass

what am i doing tonight? nothing. and i like it that way. that's how i roll. i'm frazzled and i'm too tired of wallowing in my perpetual cesspool of gloom. so i'm gonna lay it to ya real, today. bella is in intersession this week, jasons' brakes went out on his car, the chihuahua has fleas and i'm out of caffeine. today is my day off, so i'm sitting in my pj's, about to get into m'blogs, m'peeps. but i have this great idea, first. and no, i promise i'm not gonna drag you along to the thrift store with me.

i think we should all get to know one another better. and because i'm a trend setter, because i am cool like this, i'm going to share a few random bits about me and life in general, this morning. things i feel you should know. also, i'd find it fantastic if you'd join my cheerleading team over there on the right.

oh. and you're all, every one of you, tagged.

so lets get started.

*d'you know there's literally nothing tasty you can ever do with beets, ever? whoever heard of tasty beets anyway. seriously, google it. it'll come up "ewwwww. go stab your eye with a rusty spoon now. whats wrong with you".

*my favorite pet post-pregnancy 8 year old hemmoroid is flaring up, friends. tmi, you say? perhaps. but if i'm a little grumpy from time to time, now you'll know why.

hey. i'm a giver.

*my feet hurt. all the time. they never used to. it started about 6 months ago & i'm gonna go with the thought that my extra gut/spare tire/excessive boobage and trunkage doesn't neccesarily help my cause, but mostly its hereditary. my birth dad and his mother have horrid feet. also, you should know i have a foot fetish, because of this. and no, not in a weird, gross, freak kind of way. i just appreciate a pretty foot. i remember visiting that side of the family when i was little, and staring a little too long at my grandmothers feet, which were all gnarled and disfigured, as she hobbled around like a wee little hobbit, minus the toe hair. which reminds me. thats a pet peeve.

people. shave. your. toe. hair.

aaaaanywhoo. my dad wore like a size 16 shoe and i hated his feet and i always hoped i would have pretty feet, which, for the most part, turned out ok, tho i wear like a ginormous size 9 or 10, surprisingly mammoth for how short i actually turned out. and. i have weird little square toes. really awkward to paint.....

but i digress. the point is, i LOVE my feet but i haven't taken CARE of my feets. let this be a lesson. i've spent the vast majority of my adulthood either barefoot, in flip-flops, or standing on concrete floors for 10 - 12 hour shifts.

don't do that.

my 20's feet were fab. my 30's feet, not so much. lets just say we're not bff's anymore. 'totally not taking them to prom in stilettos. sometimes they hurt so bad i want to cry. and sometimes, i do, secretly. sometimes, in the morning, i hobble around just like my grandma and i curse those genes that also provided me with a carbon copy of my aunt cheryl's butt.

nice one, God. way to share the love. rock on, with your bad Self.

i have a very real, authentic, even justified fear, that sooner than i want, i will require surgery on said feet. which is kinda a bummer now that i've decided to go back to school. but don't worry, i'm a whiner, so i'll keep you posted.

*my mother brought up the subject of blogs the other night and freaked me the crap, out. i said something cool and largely to the extent of :

"hahaha. wow. that's cool. blogs. whoa. what're those. hahaha. whoa. some crazy new blizzard at dq? these kids today...."

lets just say there are a few subjects i may write about but not neccesarily publish around these parts. for this very reason. because she claims to be all technologically challenged, but how do i know this, 1200 miles away. this is the same woman that not so long ago, admitted to watching LA Ink "on the cable" and that "that little kat von d is so cute". yah. i know. also, she's just recently started calling me kat. which is endearing but also, just so weird. because she's always called me katherine. i think she's trying to be hip. so now she's got me all paranoid that she's secretly reading my blog and building up a case against me. and all because my sister dropped the bomb that she'd started one but she "wasn't giving mom the http://, so phbbbbt."

eesh. way to dangle a carrot, kim. like i need this aggravation. i'm thinking of slapping a disclaimer up there on the side and then gettin' dirty 'round these parts.

*my ears are guaged. and i can never remember the size. i think 5/8" but i don't keep up with these details, which would kinda stink if i actually bought body jewelry on a regular basis. but thankfully, i'm a low maintennance kind of gal. i know i can stick my pinky finger thru them. which, incidentally, is a fun party trick at your inlaws bbq or your kids vbs. i've been pierced a total of 17 x's and this always amazes people because you'd never know it. i was never a *metal face* as the kids say. but i enjoyed my brief stint in body modification. and no, i have no deeper meaning as to the "why" other than it meant and means something to me.

currently, i wear only a nose ring and my plugs. its interesting, tho, when people notice these things, because to me, as with my tattoos, they're just a part of me. i started guaging my ears the year bella was born. my m-i-l just discovered this only a month ago, and, i'm sure, is currently rethinking her adoration. i think my own mom still doesn't know. i think that they think i just wore/wear big round clip-ons. viva la '80's.

*my favorite super-hero's are always either of the human kind, or animations of the pixar variety. sure, there's that soft spot i'll always hold sacred for my first love, spider-man. but my new favoritest hero is wall-e.

* speaking of the '80's, did any of you ever do one of those season color palette parties? 'remember those? they were like tupperware parties, and all the rage. you could find out if you were a *spring* or a *winter*. good times.

* my favorite word of the week is *smite*. as in, the lord hath smited me, one too many times. or my daughter has smited me by giving me such a grand new batch of grey hair today. or that jive turkey in the turning lane that cut in front of me hath smited me.

you should try it. its fun.

*speaking of mom....she always told us that people who cussed, didn't have a very intelligent vocabulary. this has always stuck with me. at the same time, i've never professed to being overly intelligent. therefore, i do admit to a sort of compromise on this one. i love words. 'love quotes more. i have a vast collection of song lyrics and poems and bits & pieces of wisdom i've soaked up thru the years. i also tend to wheel & deal my own very special brand of potty mouth. to date, these are some of my most profane words, dug out of my dusty archive of a mind, just for you, on this most sacred of sharing days.

cheesy goodness.
sweet nuggets.
bump it.
snap
shblahblah.
jive turkey
shbliggity.
fudge-ripple.
craptastic.
hello fuzzy.
stinkin' heck.
slimey hockeypuck freakin' DURFWAD. (which i totally stole.)
what the foxtrot.
frassin
cheeky monkey
crackin
crusty dragon

feel free to borrow 'em at will, and distribute liberally. rinse, repeat.

*i heart my teeth and i've never had a cavity. knock on wood. the only issue i ever had with my teeth was yet another hereditary type thing, when my eye teeth started migrating towards my brain.

brain, nasal cavity, whatever. you get the point. its all going in the same direction. directly up there and probably shifting towards the left. why not.

anyway, they pulled them down, pulled my wisdom teeth out, and once the swelling had gone down, some 17 months later, slapped braces on me for 2 years with a night plate thrown in for good behavior.

but here's the kicker. to date, i've not been to the dentist in 12 years. oh i know. floss me now. you can call me gross, i don't care. i actually am pretty anal about my teeth, tho anal and teeth doesn't neccesarily a pretty sentence, make. i floss and brush regularly, thank you. twice a day even. with vigor. i don't have stains on my teeth and my teeth are not yellow, unless i stand next to someone reaaalllly tan. i also do not have stank breath, aside from when i partake of german food or my annual reuben. but see, i have this phobia that if/when i actually go for a checkup and a long over-do *cleaning* that they're gonna totally screw up the good i've got going and i'll be in dentures by 35. also, until i can justify the co-pay and not feel obscenely guilty that that $35 could be filling my tank with gas? not. gonna. happen.

oddly enough, i'm obsessive about my child's teeth and proper dental visits. weird.

*i cannot stand the feeling of peach fuzz or anything remotely paper/tissue-like on my tongue. tongue depressors? nuh-uh. and those little paper sticks holding up your dum-dums? i gag if my tongue actually makes connection with one. i have this irrational fear that someone is going to jump me in some obscure rest stop bathroom some day. probably in arizona~go with me on this~its my paranoia. anyway, they're going to then randomly pick my stall, stuff my mouth with toilet paper, and i'm totally going to die from just the sensation of something that fiber-ous in my mouth.

*i like to think i can talk all gangsta. except my gangsta comes out like *gangster*. which kind of defeats my purpose. viva la enunciation. but i'm cute, in a chubby chipmunk kind of way, which totally makes up for it.

word to your mother.

*frank, the wonder weiner dog has found a new home. and tho i miss his soft tummy and beautiful face and stinky kisses, our home has been soooo much more calm, and my soiled and tattered sanity has perked up by miles. good decision.

*i have a secret affection for printed tees. oh, i know. i know. its all so last year. but i can't help myself.

*so we were watching jon stewarts interview with with bill maher, the other night. he was pounding the publicity circuit for his new bit, titled "religulous" ~ his comedic attack on religious fundamentalism. and i have to say i was really, incredibly dissapointed, ya know? i've always been a fan of mahers. he's not, what i'd call a *subscriber* to the pc aspect and tho i may argue with my sister about just such things, i do secretly admire a person not afraid to throw their opinion out there.

i don't know how many of you will admit to watching mahers "real time" but i was always a fan of the round table setup, much in the same way i always got a special kind of joy from watching dennis millers' rants. i'm all for the spoofs, the sattire, and mixing it up a little. making people think. but i start to get aggravated when certain things don't seem sacred anymore. and maybe thats not fair. maybe thats a double-standard. i dunno.

i know you could argue, and maher certainly attempts to convey, that religion HAS become just this big joke in the world of politics. which wouldn't neccesarily be a lie. it has , in my opionion, become this big word with "connotations" for them to hide behind, when the guys up on the hill don't have the answers. anyway, they dissected a scene from a road trip through rural North Carolina, where Maher pauses at a tiny truck-stop chapel for some good-natured joshing with the congregation. Whereas he says *religion* sells "an invisible product," Maher explains to them, he's peddling doubt. and i just thought he got a little too personal, thats what i'm saying.

my opinion. just mine.

*i am secretly concerned that i know more about foreign policy than sarah palin.

*i think you should always make a spare key. always. so you don't end up crawling thru the window and getting stuck, halfway through, while the dog cruelly laughs at you from the bed. remind me to tell you that story sometime.

*when i walk by blankets, pillows, towels in stores, i have to touch/squeeze them for the softness factor. also, i'm obsessed with pillows. i have 10 on my bed. 10, count em. jason secretly loves this. he just doesn't know it yet.

*i can never remember anyone's birthday. never. and i always feel terrible when i realize i have. i feel i have personally mastered the *belated* section at hallmark.

*someday, i want to learn how to roller-skate/ice-skate. but i'm also deathly afraid of the ground not being underneath me. thats kinda why my pilots license and marine biology quests were a flop.

*3 things you should listen to: the ocean, the wind and the trees


* these are borrowed terms i wouldn't mind describing me too:

a gem. devoted. soul/spirit/earth sister,daughter,friend & mother. awakening. opening my heart. practicing. expanding. grounded. creator. healer. artist. writer. minister to hurts. lover of learning and lists, the color green and wild flowers. joyful. divine. delighted. connected. in awe. bold. curious. open. colorful. full of life. tender. soft. scrumptious.