i'm sleepy today. and yet i can't sleep. my body is revolting against this substitute schedule ~ 12 hours seems so much longer during the night. i'm exhausted, then, during the day, and my brain won't shut down. i'ts been on the verge, this morning, but now the upstairs neighbors have started in, true to their anti-domestic-blissity.
its been a kind-of surreal life here in the byrds nest this week and blogging hasn't really been foremost on my mind.
i feel like i have so much to say. yet i don't know where to start. and i tend to hold my tongue here in this forum, in the presence of confrontation. several doors were opened up in my closet of closets, this week. doors that have sat me down hard on a floor of refelction. and then, there are the issues i am passionate about. yet i have remained passive, because i don't feel screaming for my freedom of speech is the right way to get my point across.
i am one of the most open and accepting people you will ever know. which is something that hasn't always neccesarily been a blessing in my life. at times, its put me face-to-face with confrontation. at times, its placed me in situations less than desirable. you can judge me for that or even find it honorable, but it is my truth. i have friends and people in my life, from many different directions. and we don't always see eye-to-eye. and often, we come to a place of agreeing to disagree. but i love them because thats whats in my heart. and because this is a good portion of what i feel is my purpose. its not my place to judge you. it is my place to hear your story. and my hope, that you will listen to mine.
we have a new president. and whatever your opinion is on this election, this decision has been made. we have made history, yes. and i do not doubt that changes will come. many, welcome. what i'm struggling with, is that in my heart, i'm truly discouraged by the sheer number of people banking on him, and him alone. the truth is, he is one man. and he's not the one single answer to everyone's prayers. the reality is that he's got a really tough job ahead of him. and he doesn't make his decisions, alone. now, more than ever, we need to rally as a nation.
and now, more than ever, i really feel that christians, more than any other minority, need to find their voice. and not in a pulpit-beating, fire and brimstone screaming kind of way. we need to do something. as someone who readily admits to imperfection and fumbling, yet who proudly bears the title of Christian in what it means to be so, at its deepest root.....someone who believes in one God, not a higher power, i feel the need to stand up and do something. now.
and you can roll your eyes and cluck your tongue. but in this country, where we are so fat and spoiled, our issues always tend to come full circle, revolving around an *equality* that a large percentage of our population feel we are owed. but this is our truth: we as the people and for the people aren't owed anything. we've struggled for what we deem as our *rights* down thru the ages. and we've made great strides. but herein lies my confusion: we have done so, in the name of what?
at some point, that grey area so many of us have subscribed to, because its safe, or comfortable, is not ok. our issues are very much cut and dry. black and white. wrong or right. morality is rapidly becoming an *old school* word. and for every enormous step forward in what we deem acceptance and that desired permission slip to do what feels good, we lose sight of what has and will always be good and true.
there is no such thing as something for free. we will always have to give up or sacrifice something in the hand-off. equality is no different. and we are losing the good fight, for every little slice of legislature passed, that we chalk one up for society, yet look the other way as we step on so many others on our way up.
why do we fight so hard for the womans right to choose her body against her unborn, yet we turn around and demand the highest capital punishment in the face of abuse or murder of our tangible children. we demand our right to gay marriage, yet turn a blind eye to the very real epidemic we face in what the sanctity of marriage even is, anymore. if what we're fighting for is simply a piece of paper, yet we do nothing to hold those vows strong and steady when life hands us anything but perfection or acceptance, and that same paper can then be ripped up as tho it was just a mistake, then where are we? why do we demand that our schools parade and promote alternative lifestyles and religions at every possible corner, yet you then take away my right to pray, or my bible, because i am a "ridiculous radical". because you are right and i am wrong, and i can't possibly understand where you come from or what it means to be you. you want to put me in the closet so you can come out. when i never placed you there to begin with.
because when we feel convicted, we feel we need for someone to tell us its really all ok. that if something gets hard, we want the go-ahead to give it up. if something isn't convenient or won't make everyone happy in the room, we want a magic wand to be waved, to make it so.
my heart is just so heavy, right now. moreso because i feel at a loss. a very real loss.
and i'm wondering where you're at, in all of this.
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4 comments:
and the room falls silent...Kat you summed it all up in such an incredible way. I'm truly proud to call you my sister and so grateful that when I have no words you said what needed to be said, in the most beautiful way, remniscent of Christ's own love for the people he created...and the sadness he must be feeling as he watches us now.
Fantastic post. Never let up. Whenever people tell me to calm down, to not be so intense, so "heavy," I am reminded that it really isn't about me. Or them. It's about Him, isn't it? Keep pouring your heart out on this blog.
"and the room falls silent"...
I read this post a few days ago and I started to write and didn't want to because I wasn't sure if you were asking rhetorical questions or not, and if the questions weren't rhetorical, I couldn't figure out what exactly was the question being put to us readers. But, now it seems I should say something, b/c I've said so much b4 and to not say anything now apparently makes it seem that this side over here is full of chickenshit, mealy mouthed wusses. Um, yeah, right. You know me. None of those adjectives work for me. Ballsy, loving, opinionated, experienced, well-informed, and a pretty good listener ---> That's me.
So, I'm going to put those listening skills together with my long-winded skills and see what I can come up. Probably something sort of on topic and long-winded. And, no, I'm not manic. ;) I just care about you and I'm tender to your feelings and thoughts even if we don't always agree. You know I'm cool with whatever your opinions are on these sensitive and personal matters, because I love YOU, not your ballot. Chicken cacciatore no matter what, right?
IMHO, I don't think this post has a lot to do with forming questions for readers. The way I read it and knowing your thoughts in the previous posts I think you are trying to make sense of a world that has been divided into For us or Against Us, but what you really want is for us to all get along and do so respectfully and considerately. I'm not sure that Obama has a lot to do with the post other than that the prospect of a new administration heightens your already considerable trepidation about the future, so I'm going to speak to the Role of POTUS and how Christianity is being used today.
For years now, ever since Ronald Reagan ran for office and rallied the evangelical movement behind him, churches have used their pulpits to urge parishioners to vote for the guy on the Right. I hear the same arguments coming from the politicians now as I did as a 10 yr old girl sitting in our Pentacostal congregation. The argument boils down to this: vote for the Republican and he'll make sure the morals of the Christian church are upheld as law; vote for the Democrat and he'll simultaneously perform an abortion, officiate a gay wedding and raise taxes 42% on those making between $25.00 and $75,000.00 a year.
That's it. And it was effective b/c for years Falwell and Robertson saw themselves as both Political and Religious leaders. The Moral Majority. The truth is, though, that the Rs don't want Roe V Wade overturned b/c it's all they have to rally the masses every four years. No one is going to rally around tax cuts for the rich and unending war. Even if Roe v Wade did get overturned, it wouldn't be abolished, it would just go to the states for legislative management. As far as gay marriage goes, both candidates had the SAME position on it this year. There was no difference on that issue.
We've had a Christian president for 8 years. He has led us into wars that have killed over 200,000 based on pre-meditated lies. Torture is now a law in our land. Hatred of the other, of anything Other, is now an acceptable reason to perpetuate heinous acts whether in war or in politics. But whenever one of us raises our hand to say, "excuse me, but..." we are smacked down as un-American, as pagan others, or worse, gasp, Muslims.
Despite Karl Rove's grand plan for a permanent Republican majority, SAYING you are for Jesus doesn't mean a darn thing to Jesus. "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' – Matthew 7:21-23
Saying one is a Christian doesn't give one permission to start wars, especially wars built on lies to satiate greed and revenge. Saying one is a Christian doesn't mean one gets to ignore one's stewardship of a nation's economy, thereby creating an environment in which thousands and thousands of fellow Americans go to sleep with grumbling tummies in houses that are going into foreclosure only to wake up in the morning and learn that their auto plant is closing.
The will of God is not to drive wedges between His children to say who Is His child and who is Not his child. We are ALL His children. We are ALL made in His image every color, every language, every age, every sexual orientation, every religious practice that believes in the Golden Rule. Every single one of us. He weeps when we use His name to kill each other. I've never understood the prayers for us to win the war in Jesus' name. What!? So that means Jesus wants His other children to be killed? I don't understand prayers for pipelines to be built in Jesus' name either. I've heard those prayers all my life and all my life I've been shaking my head and thinking that Jesus has a lot better things to do than negotiate pipelines and mayors in His honor.
The bible tells us over and over again to take care of the least among us, but we now live in a society in which over 40 million people are living in poverty and over 50 million people are living without healthcare - all of this in a country with top notch healthcare IF one can afford it, all of this in a country in which huge corporations are handed billions of dollars to cover for their gross negligence and abuse of the market rules, but those on Main St. are left to fend for themselves.
Instead of dealing with very real issues like genocide and famine, poverty and job loss - very christian values - Republican politicians dangle shiny objects like gay marriage and abortion to distract the masses and make them think the Rs DO care about what's important. But the RNC Does Not Care. They just care about being re-elected. Think about it. The Republicans had control of every branch of government for years and NOTHING was done about abortion rights. They wrote a lot of legislation to cut funding for women and children, but they didn't do anything to help reduce unwanted pregnancies, increase education or provide preventative health care for lower income families. They were against SCHIP. Heck, they even voted against mother's day. Any and all of these would at least reduce the need for abortions, but they were not championed by those who are supposed to be against abortions.
I'd like to see religionsbeing taught about in schools. I'm cool with allowing everyone their time for prayer whenever they need it - 5 times a day in one direction, or at the start of every day or the beginning of meals without a care for N,S, E, or W -whenever. I think yoga should be allowed in schools, too, because it is a phenomenal exercise program, but the schools around us won't do it b/c someone yelled that it was a religious practice. Things are just getting silly. We are spiritual creatures. To deny our own personal and private spiritual practice is like having to walk around with tape over our mouths. To each their own as long as we aren't getting into the My Religion Is Better Than Your Religion argument, as long as we don't put one religion above another. That's silly, too. I think that if every person in the world worshipped God the same exact way He'd get awfully bored. Instead the world is full of faiths that each pay a little more attention to one facet of God's omniscience than the others do. All of these faiths together form a beautiful mosaic of the awesomeness of God.
We are all His children. When we practice Faith we would do well to remember to actually put our faith in God and the plan He has. We now have a new president-elect. From everything I've seen so far, he is far from alone in making his decisions. He's surrounding himself with a LOT of really smart people. Obama certainly doesn't think he can do this alone, nor does he want to. Did you see the look on his face during his acceptance speech? He was sober and sincere. He's being handed a pile of crap and he's expected to make banana bread out of it. I don't think he can do it alone. We're finally ending the period of the Go it Alone Imperial presidency. I think the nation is ready for a collaborative government. But I know this, I voted for the guy who spent his life trying to help his community find jobs, improve their housing conditions, support their kids' development, and find a cohesive voice to remind their government that they existed. Obama has taken that experience and brought it to the national stage. Those are some values I can vote for - compassion, looking out for your fellow citizens, and a pursuit of intelligent diplomacy over a creed of murder and torture.
Sometimes it's more important to Act like the Christian one is, than it is to Say one is a Christian over and over again hoping someone will believe you.
I know you're nervous, Kat. This world is a scary place right now. I don't know why there are so many dichotomies in our cultural discourse, but there are. I can't explain pro-choice v. anti-choice to a little comment box no matter how long I make the comment (and I've a feeling I'm wearing out my welcome right now). I don't understand capital punishment even though I'm for the public castration and beheading of child molesters. I do think that we (me and you) who have had the boundaries of our marriages tested so fiercely and who KNOW that there is more to marriage than sex, and KNOW that the sanctity of marriage is a pretty frilly concept unless and until both partners in the marriage throw their hearts and souls into making their marriage sacred, we have the experience to understand that marriage is about more than genitalia and how it fits together. If someone wants to hold marriage sacred, then by all means let them throw all of their energy into making their own marriage work rather than telling everyone else how to run their marriages. There is no such thing as a cookie cutter one-size-fits-all marriage. Our marriages are where they are because we believed in making them work, but we believed also in the the healthy merging of the You -ME - Us concept.
I never give up until something is just plain dangerous. I don't give up on me. I don't give up on my marriage. I don't give up on my the hopes and dreams of my friends. And I don't give up on the promise of my country. I've never expected anything from anyone except for a little respect. The rest I can handle.
To you I give my undying respect and affection. This loss has been heavy on you, I know. I might not understand it 100%, but I can feel it. I hope that my little essay here helps you in some way. Things get shoved into such small boxes and sorted into Either and Or, when they aren't Either or Or, but rather Rice and Creamed Spinach, different, but not mutually exclusive, not For Us or Against Us. Just different.
I love you. YOU are Important to me. Please don't ever ever hide in a closet on anyone's behalf. You are a little light that needs to shine Big or else the world becomes a dark and dreary place without it.
Sophie,
That was quite an essay-comment! :o) I don't want to engage in a tit-for-tat, particularly since that would be un-Christian as well as counterproductive, and would feed stereotypes surrounding conservative Christians.
As for whether or not the R's want Roe overturned; both candidates' stances on gay marriage; and war, I do invite you to check out my blog.
I have a different perspective than you and I always appreciate thoughtful exchange with people who hold opposing points of view; no one enjoys an echo chamber on a blog. :o)
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