menagerie monday! a.k.a. "she's a linker, that one".

dudes, i'm so tired. i've been up for the past 20 hours & i've had to edit this thing a bazillion times. my apologies.

i've been on this new-fangled diet, the last few days. i call it *bleh*. it consists of equal parts: water and air. vitamins for dessert.

i'm so hungry.

so i'm making up for it this morning, with leftover meatloaf & mashed potatoes. also, an eggroll. and then? a pepsi, to wash it all down.

viva my waistline.

add *treadmill* to my christmas wish list? check.

so now to the good stuff. this past week wasn't the best for me. or my badunkadunk, while we're keepin' it real. but i'm glad to know i'm not the only one out there. and i'm so encouraged that everywhere i've looked today, i've seen inspiration.

first, please, everyone, CHECK THIS OUT. i love zefrank. have i shared that before? well i should have.

i'm grateful for the awesome sermon we had at church yesterday ~ kind of a re-juice for my spirit. it was much needed.

our church is fortunate to be deeply involved in global impact, and this sunday marked the national day of prayer for the persecuted church. as we watched this incredible video after the service yesterday, it just really reinforced my desire to get out there and do something. (p.s. pause the lil' jukebox down yonder so you can hear it)



my sister wrote an awesome post yesterday that i think is every bit worth your time to check out. as did aaron over at Arms Wide Open. sooo encouraging.

i find myself linking often to this guy these days, also. his take on politics and faith is rockin', and he and his wife have taken on the challenge of doing one thing a month, to make a difference. to change the world. check out his thank you note to the president.

i think that's awesome. it doesn't have to consume you. thats not your job. you just need to get out there.

and last but not least, i encourage you to check out these awesome causes:

this:



and then this.

be inspired.

tired

i'm sleepy today. and yet i can't sleep. my body is revolting against this substitute schedule ~ 12 hours seems so much longer during the night. i'm exhausted, then, during the day, and my brain won't shut down. i'ts been on the verge, this morning, but now the upstairs neighbors have started in, true to their anti-domestic-blissity.

its been a kind-of surreal life here in the byrds nest this week and blogging hasn't really been foremost on my mind.

i feel like i have so much to say. yet i don't know where to start. and i tend to hold my tongue here in this forum, in the presence of confrontation. several doors were opened up in my closet of closets, this week. doors that have sat me down hard on a floor of refelction. and then, there are the issues i am passionate about. yet i have remained passive, because i don't feel screaming for my freedom of speech is the right way to get my point across.

i am one of the most open and accepting people you will ever know. which is something that hasn't always neccesarily been a blessing in my life. at times, its put me face-to-face with confrontation. at times, its placed me in situations less than desirable. you can judge me for that or even find it honorable, but it is my truth. i have friends and people in my life, from many different directions. and we don't always see eye-to-eye. and often, we come to a place of agreeing to disagree. but i love them because thats whats in my heart. and because this is a good portion of what i feel is my purpose. its not my place to judge you. it is my place to hear your story. and my hope, that you will listen to mine.

we have a new president. and whatever your opinion is on this election, this decision has been made. we have made history, yes. and i do not doubt that changes will come. many, welcome. what i'm struggling with, is that in my heart, i'm truly discouraged by the sheer number of people banking on him, and him alone. the truth is, he is one man. and he's not the one single answer to everyone's prayers. the reality is that he's got a really tough job ahead of him. and he doesn't make his decisions, alone. now, more than ever, we need to rally as a nation.

and now, more than ever, i really feel that christians, more than any other minority, need to find their voice. and not in a pulpit-beating, fire and brimstone screaming kind of way. we need to do something. as someone who readily admits to imperfection and fumbling, yet who proudly bears the title of Christian in what it means to be so, at its deepest root.....someone who believes in one God, not a higher power, i feel the need to stand up and do something. now.

and you can roll your eyes and cluck your tongue. but in this country, where we are so fat and spoiled, our issues always tend to come full circle, revolving around an *equality* that a large percentage of our population feel we are owed. but this is our truth: we as the people and for the people aren't owed anything. we've struggled for what we deem as our *rights* down thru the ages. and we've made great strides. but herein lies my confusion: we have done so, in the name of what?

at some point, that grey area so many of us have subscribed to, because its safe, or comfortable, is not ok. our issues are very much cut and dry. black and white. wrong or right. morality is rapidly becoming an *old school* word. and for every enormous step forward in what we deem acceptance and that desired permission slip to do what feels good, we lose sight of what has and will always be good and true.

there is no such thing as something for free. we will always have to give up or sacrifice something in the hand-off. equality is no different. and we are losing the good fight, for every little slice of legislature passed, that we chalk one up for society, yet look the other way as we step on so many others on our way up.

why do we fight so hard for the womans right to choose her body against her unborn, yet we turn around and demand the highest capital punishment in the face of abuse or murder of our tangible children. we demand our right to gay marriage, yet turn a blind eye to the very real epidemic we face in what the sanctity of marriage even is, anymore. if what we're fighting for is simply a piece of paper, yet we do nothing to hold those vows strong and steady when life hands us anything but perfection or acceptance, and that same paper can then be ripped up as tho it was just a mistake, then where are we? why do we demand that our schools parade and promote alternative lifestyles and religions at every possible corner, yet you then take away my right to pray, or my bible, because i am a "ridiculous radical". because you are right and i am wrong, and i can't possibly understand where you come from or what it means to be you. you want to put me in the closet so you can come out. when i never placed you there to begin with.

because when we feel convicted, we feel we need for someone to tell us its really all ok. that if something gets hard, we want the go-ahead to give it up. if something isn't convenient or won't make everyone happy in the room, we want a magic wand to be waved, to make it so.

my heart is just so heavy, right now. moreso because i feel at a loss. a very real loss.

and i'm wondering where you're at, in all of this.

wherein i hope you all voted for my chihuahua

defender of the crotchless underwear, the world over.

listen. i'm nothing if not your political Eye in the Sky. your government guru. your hot air machine. so it will come as no surprise that yesterday, i purposely left the news off. i talked to my mom & sister on the phone. i snuggled on the couch a little too long in my pajamas, watching cartoons a little too late in the morning with my daughter, eating a little too much leftover halloween candy for breakfast. we took daddy on his break to a suprise picnic lunch by the river. we got a fruit smoothie and a frappucino at our favorite coffee hang-out. we spent time with bellas great-grandmother and took her for a walk. we watched the new "tinker bell" movie. and "get smart". we ate tatertots with supper. and after some tickle wrestling and many snuggles and a prayer that God will lead our new president in the right choices, mom and dad snuggled on the couch watching "the strangers." we climbed into bed and turned the news on at 11 pm. and jason held me close as i cried.

there's gonna be alot of the obligatory election posts spinning 'round today. alot of people happy and alot of people not-so-happy. and i dunno about you, but i'm just really not ready for that whole *thing* quite yet. in the spirit of remaining politically ambivalent, the only thing i'm really going to add is that i think america has been asleep for a really. long. time.

...and i will heal your land. 2 chronicles 7:14 .

yah. here's the kicker tho. ya gotta read the stuff before the dot.dot.dot.

you like how i totally did the obligatory post thing without you even realizing it, don'tcha.

i got mad skills, crickets. mad skills.

and we've got work to do. you know who you are.

dear xm

dear xm radio,

please to enjoy my letter following,to inform you of these problems with you.

please. i implore for you. please to hire people that speak english. that not only can speak it fluently, but also, then, to understand it and verify those informations.

and when you're finished with that, please to then send your magic little signal and activate my husbands blasted radio.

for the love of all that is holy.

with much sincerely,

k to the at byrd

grace and its defining moments

spoiler alert. i'm about to go all linkish up in here.

i've been sitting here for a little while,now, reading some of the news blurbs and snippets race by on screen. finding myself grateful for a quiet, sleepy house this morning, and opting for no tv on, with news & polls screaming in my ears.

i'll be happy when today is over. tho i will tell you now, in all confidence, i will not feel secure in the result.

i had this whole post started late last night that had alot to do with where i thought today was headed. somehow, it all dissapeared into the haze of the ethernet. i have to admit some dissapointment on that, and yet i think that's telling of where i'm at, in my life right now. sometimes, i think that in our most profound moments of truth, there are never the accurate words.

and on this all-important election day, i find my place in all of that, fitting.

autumn has always had a profound effect on me. this year is no different. i see myself as always either entering or fading out of a season in my life. this latest one, although certainly not appreciated at first, has been a season of stillness. dare i admit it, rest.

i have been in love with the writings of Rumi since first introduced to his works some years ago. i find it so devastatingly refreshing and inspirational, that when translated, a mans'deepest thoughts in the 1200's apply just as accurately to the 2000's.

“Live where you fear you cannot dwell. Destroy your "reputation". Be notorious.”

yes. sign me up for some of that.

i'm finding alot of inspiration in his words these days. alot of inspiration in my bible and private devotions as well. i've spent alot of time over the past 2 years in particular, researching this topic called grace. being hit upside the head with it. being in the unique position of offering it, myself. a perfect example: go youtube you some bebo normans song britney i'm sorry and see if you don't feel a sucker punch to the gut.

and then. watch this. for what it is.





because for me, grace walks hand-in-hand with unconditional love.

magpie girl said it so eloquently, recently:

i think the most effective way to love others is to follow your impulse towards them. That’s your intuitive voice of wisdom telling you what to do. I struggle sometimes to embrace this wisdom, because the older I get the more disreputable those impulses seem. They often require me to live counter-culturally. Examples? I’m a lot more transparent than most people would advise. I tell people what I dream about them. I keep in touch with my first crush because he is such a wise, dear soul. I adopt teenagers who talk to me on street corners. None of these seem…prudent. But those are the things love has offered to me these past years. When they come I’ve tried to embrace my puckish side, deny fear, and jump. It’s not been without pain, but I truly have no regrets. I keep choosing "The Beast", (love)
and people get loved in the process.

meg casey's recent post hit home as well:

The nights are growing longer. The winds are picking up. This is the time of the year when hearts turn inward, when inner demons, the little gremlins who have been hiding in the shadows whispering their sweet nothings show themselves, when the things that go bump in the night get extra noisy.

I am always surprised and rather amazed at the fact that no matter how much I grow, no matter how much I breathe, no matter how many minutes I stay present, I keep coming back to the same lessons over and over, challenged again and again. No matter how much I think I have mastered, there is so much more I don’t know, so much to learn over and over again. That no sooner do I think I have grown out of an old way of being, do I find myself being tested in big and small ways yet again.

In these moments of vulnerability I realize that for all my learning it simply boils down to this: I am scared to death, that I don’t know the way, and that I never really did. And when I can let myself stew in that reality long enough I find myself knowing this one true thing: courage is really simply about feeling the fear and wading through anyway, one tep, one breath at a time.

preach it, meg.

i've recently undergone a season where its' been neccesary for me to sit back and let go. which is a reality so impossibly unattainable for me, i can't even begin to tell you. because my version of "letting go" generally comes with ripping and shredding. in like a lion, this one. and all of a sudden, i find myself on the verge of this change again. yet another season where i am sifted.

last night at work, jason called to inform me of a text message he'd just received from candace's mother. for those of you keeping up with my story, you'll know where i stand on the whole candace *issue*. and you'll remember where i left it, nearly 7 months ago, in her hands. the text asked if she could meet with us. i told jason to give her my work number and within minutes, i found myself taking a deep breath in a half-finished prayer for the right words. for rescue. i was answering her call, and being brought around full circle.

the awesome *jon* had the following to say on the subject of rescuing, referring to Jeremiah 1:7-8 and the importance of the word "rescue",

It reads like God is saying, "Look, you need to go do what I am asking you and it won’t be easy. I'm not calling you to safety and comfort, I'm asking you to go into a situation that's going to be dangerous and difficult. Where I am calling you will be so horrible that it will require rescue, but I will provide it. That's what I am going to give you, rescue. But in order to give you the gift of rescue, I need you to go somewhere that requires it and I'm going to be upfront, that won’t be fun. Because if it was, rescue wouldn’t be necessary and that's the gift I want to give you. So …."

Don’t get me out of it, get me through it. - Mark Driscoll .

connie called to weep on my shoulder. and i spent the next hour and a half in a conversation that ordinarily i'd have felt unprepared for. yet somehow, that rehashing the past and summoning old demons, felt normal, this time around. i didn't feel bare and exposed and defensive and ashamed. i felt like i had a foothold. like God was there.

i listened to her speak of loss. of her fear for candace. and even as i heard myself assuring her i would make that call, i would reach out to candace, i wondered what i was getting myself in for. this has been the one female presence in my life, aside from my sister, that has held such a significant role in my life. we've shared so much. we've watched eachother grow and then simultaneously fall apart at the seams. the choice her husband made, ripped apart 2 marriages and a friendship so close. the kind of friendship that many people long to experience in their lifetime.

when we last spoke, i'd been carrying through with a commitment i'd made in counseling: to bring about a closure to a wound that was gaping wide open with pain. sooo much pain. instead, i found myself defining where i was, what i could and could not tolerate, yet promising her that i loved her. that i was, by no means, closing a door, but was leaving this in her hands. and for me, that was the closest to a closure i could come to.

so it was with a heartfelt prayer and several deep breaths, that i re-opened that door last night.

and i called.